Chicago Bandits Announce Signing of Jennie Finch

Finch Visits Chicago for Dec. 17 Press Conference

[CHICAGO]—The Chicago Bandits, an expansion team for the National Pro Fastpitch (NPF) league, announced the signing of Olympic gold medalist Jennie Finch during a press conference at 2 p.m. on Friday, December 17 at U.S. Cellular Field.

Finch was in Chicago to sign a one-year contract with the Bandits, the newest franchise in the six-team NPF League that will begin play in June 2005.

Finch is the final piece of the 14-member roster that includes fellow Olympian Leah O’Brien-Amico and All-American Jaime Clark.

Finch helped lead USA Softball’s Dream Team to a 9-0 record at the 2004 Athens Olympic games as the team outscored its competition 51-1 in route to clinching its third consecutive Olympic gold medal. The former University of Arizona All-American pitcher, who holds the NCAA record of 60 straight wins, has captured national headlines both on and off the field for her athleticism, beauty and marketability.

”We are extremely excited to add Jennie to the roster,” said Bill Conroy, owner of the Chicago Bandits and president/CEO of the NPF. “She is an extraordinary athlete, a great role model for young girls and is the foundation on which you can build a franchise and ultimately a league.”

Earlier this month, the NPF announced that operations were being transferred from its original founder, the Cowles family, to an operating group of team owners, led by Conroy. The NPF, which had its latest season of league play in 2004 with six teams, continues with an aggressive schedule for 2005.

The Bandits are slated to compete in a 48-game schedule, including match-ups against other national teams as well as league foes, followed by playoffs and a championship game. All home games will be played at Benedictine University in Lisle, IL in a new sports complex slated to be completed in spring 2005. The games will be televised locally on Comcast Sports Net Chicago with national broadcasts in development. For more information please visit www.chicagobandits.com.

COMMITMENTS

April Cunningham - P - Texas Tomboys signs w/ Mercer Univ.
Lindsay Talamantes - UT - SoCal Stealth signs w/Mercer U

CANADA CUP FUTURES TOURNAMENT

We are pleased to announce that the 2005 Canada Cup Host Committee is currently accepting applications for the following:

Tournament: The 4th Canada Cup International Fastpitch Futures Tournament World Junior Women's

Date: July 4 – 10, 2005

Location: Softball City & Cloverdale Athletic Park - Surrey, British Columbia, Canada

To find out more information and to apply on-line, please visit our website at: http://www.canadacup.com/abfuture05.asp

THE TITANIC IS SINKING

A scientific expedition led by Robert Ballard, the Woods Hole marine expert who found the wreck of the ill-famed luxury liner in 1985, reports the conclusion in this month’s National Geographic that the hulk will collapse upon its keel by 2012. Ballard presented a photographic comparison of the wreck’s condition today, as opposed to 1985, and found significant deterioration. Communities of iron-eating bacteria are consuming the hull, Ballard wrote – about 100 pounds a day. The deterioration is being accelerated, Ballard contends, by the salvaging for artifacts – which Ballard opposes, believing the wreck site should be undisturbed, so as to be a memorial to the hundreds who died. He shows photographic evidence of damage caused by submersibles landing on the decks, even hitting the hull.

DAMPING CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

First, oncology experts at Johns Hopkins reminded me Thursday that I may be cancer-free now, but the cancer could recur – and more tests are scheduled for February. Before I could get away, JHU informed me they needed to upgrade my stats. Incredible, I am an inch and a half shorter than I was in 1997 when I began treatment for diabetes. My arm still hurts like hell, but they cut the blood-soaked cast off.

This morning, a seemingly solicitous woman asked by telephone about my health, and assured me that her firm knew how much I must miss my adjustable hospital bed – and had one to sell me. Politely, I let her know the damned thing was uncomfortable, and, because of my broken neck, I spent most nights in a chair.

Then, this afternoon, I was opening a batch of Christmas cards when I encountered one which did not say something on the order of Happy Holidays, etc., or Get Well, etc. The card informed me that when I need their services, they are ready. The card was from a local funeral parlor. I assume they send such cards to all cancer victims. Just what I needed to boost my Christmas spirit.

Tonight, Allison restocked my fridge and larder with food that is actually on the list provided by the diabetes clinic at Hopkins. I’ve never looked at some of those shelves. If this stuff is so good for you, why doesn’t it taste better?

GOD WAS BUSY

A college professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated that there is no God, the expression, "One Nation Under God", was unconstitutional, and further, he was going to prove there is no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted:"God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin fall. Ten minutes went by. Again he taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."
His countdown got down to the last couple of minutes when a Army Ranger just released from active duty and newly registered in the class walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him ass over teacups from his lofty platform. The professor was out cold! At first the students were shocked and babbled in confusion.
The young Ranger took a seat in the front row and sat silent. The class fell silent...waiting.
Eventually, the professor came to, shaken. He looked at the young Ranger in the front row. When he regained his senses and could speak he yelled,
"What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
"God was busy. He sent me."

THE WORLD’S LARGEST AIRCRAFT

Russian Antonov 225

Some of the specs on this 225 Mriya are:
           Wingspan........290 Ft.
            Height.....59.4 Ft.
            Length.....276 Ft.
            Number of wheels.....24
            Max T.O. weight.....1,322,750#
            Max payload.....551,150#
            Engines....six Lotarev D-18T turbofans
            Max speed at altitude.....530 MPH
            Cruise speed....495 MPH
            Range......8310 NM
       Only one aircraft built.....sorry not for sale......

IRISH HUMOR

(thanks to Patty Whipkey)

Ya gotta love the Irish...

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."

"Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy," asks the priest?

"Yes, Father, it tis."

"And, who was the woman you were with?"

"I won't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Kelly?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Liz Shannon?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't name her."

"Was it Cathy Morgan?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church for three months, be off with you now."

Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers,

"What'd you get?"

"Three month's vacation and five good leads," says Tommy.

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