DECEMBER 6 UPDATE
(a slow news day)
COMMITMENTS
CHEYENNE JENKS, 3RD,SS SEMINOLE TRIBE COMMITED TO FSU
Jessica Carlson (P) Texas Elite has verbally committed to the University of Bridgeport, CT
BILL GATES PHILOSOPHY
(CONTRIBUTED BY GREG LAING)
Great speech from Bill Gates!
Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this!
To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice. Bill Gates recently gave
a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in
school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a
generation of kids with no concept of reality
and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The
world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to
accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You
won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents
had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about
your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are
now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and
listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save
the rain forest from the parasites of your
parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS
NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you
as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the
slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and
very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that
on your own time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to
leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
If you agree, pass it on.
If you can read this - Thank a teacher!
If you are reading it in English -Thank a soldier!!
GEORGE DUHON
One of the more respected pitching coaches in Ohio, George Duhon passed away last week, from cancer. Besides working with pitchers at area high schools, he also served as an unpaid pitching coach at Kent State and Walsh University in recent years. He was a member of the Greater Akron Softball Hall of Fame.
A GREAT SPORTS PHOTO??
MILITARY HUMOR(submitted by Ronnie
Lombard)
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his
desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the
colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into
the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along
your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he
asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your
telephone."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose
after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so
you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never
going to stand in line again.
MARITAL HUMOR
(more from the Lombard trove)
A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed
a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet
behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a
pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women
walking single file.
The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman
walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad
time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is
it?"
"My husband's."
"What happened to him?"
The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."
She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when
the dog turned on her."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
"Get in line."
A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord,
I pray for: Wisdom, to understand a man. Love, to forgive him, And Patience, For
his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.
LAS VEGAS
What goes on in Vegas, stays in Vegas. SPY will honor that official catch-phrase. The imitation Elvis at one reception was quite good, but you will not hear from me who did the shimmy with him. Winners and losers? Suffice to say the surgery on Thursday cannot be much more painful than my losses at the craps table. In a city know for quicky marriages, the rolling dominoes and I got a divorce – not as costly as my actual divorce but painful. Not helped by my neuropathy; pain has gone past the tolerance point of relief through the 14 drug dosages I take every day. Monday is pretty; lots of sunshine, but, every preceding day has been colder than a well-diggers ass in the Klondike. The coaching clinics have been uniformly good; one of the best things NFCA does. The individual presentations are among the best in recent years. (PS: a really good session with the dotted bones in which I rolled more than a dozen points got me even and enriched some of our colleagues.)
HILLBILLY HUMOR
(another Laing submission)
Hillbilly Medical Terms
Benign...............What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria...............Back door to cafeteria.
Barium.................What you do with dead folks.
Cesarean Sectio n.......A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan...............Searching for the cat.
Cauterize...........Made eye contact with her.
Colic..............A sheep dog.
Coma................A punctuation mark.
D&C.................Where Washington is.
Dilate..........To live longer than your kids do.
Enema..............Not a friend.
Fester.............Quicker than someone else.
Fibula.............A small lie.
G.I.Series........World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail...........What you hang your coat on.
Impotent............Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..........Getting hurt at work.
Morbid..............A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates..........Cheaper than day rates.
Medical Staff.......A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake.
Node.....................I knew it.
Outpatient...............A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis...................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative.........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room....Place to do upholstery.
Secretion........Hiding something
Tablet...........A small table to change babies on.
Seizure..........Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section.
Terminal Illness....Getting sick at the train station.
Tumor...............More than one.
Urine................Opposite of mine.
Varicose............Near by
Hospital............The biggest building in town, other than Joe's feed
warehouse or Franks lumber mill.
end